Maido – Lima

Circa 2016 there was a restaurant on Bold Street in Liverpool called Miyagi. It was a local institution for those in their mid 20s, serving what it called Japanese street soul food. It served dishes like sticky chilli beef nori tacos, pork belly bao buns and beef gyozas with an array of sticky sweet sauces. We loved it, though we knew it would never win any awards, and a night there with a few asahi on draft would run you £40 each max.

Why am I telling you this, I hear you ask. Well, because this week I returned (last there in 2019) to Maido in Lima. This feels significant because since the last time I was there it has been named the single best restaurant in the world. Though I recall enjoying it seven years ago, and though it has received worldwide acclaim in the window since, I did find this a surprise as I didn’t rate it anywhere near the likes of Central or Astrid Y Gaston at the time. And having been this week, a surprise is the least I’d describe it as – I’m absolutely baffled. This is like a reincarnation of my beloved Miyagi on Bold Street but it’s not as fun and they definitely don’t charge £40.

I order à la carte as I’m tasting menu’d out, and I did that last time I was here. A welcome snack first, consisting of some raw fish, sweet potato and all the other bits you’d expect. Perfectly pleasant, but its fridge cold and so all the elements blur together. I order a toro and sea urchin tartare. It’s delicious, but it’s delicious because toro and sea urchin are delicious. If you gave me some of both I could probably replicate it to a similar standard as there is nothing to distinguish it from any tartare you’d get in any decent sushi restaurant. A spicy scallop temaki is next. It’s fine – but again not discernible from fare you’d get at any decent sushi restaurant. The same can be said from Wagyu nigiri with quails eggs. These are ceremoniously blow torched at the table – thank god as the flames are the only real flavour imparted upon the dish. Then it starts to really dip. A smoked eel and foie gras nigiri is so cloyingly sweet that it would fit on the dessert menu. Both this and the temaki have left me with sticky fingers (the second nigiri impossible to unstick from the plate with chopsticks due to all the sugar) but there are no signs of any sort of hand wipe. In the best restaurant in the world. To finish, slow cooked short rib. Cooked to absolute perfection but covered in a sauce that’s grossly over sweet and over reduced. I’m quite surprised it’s left the kitchen but I’ve lost the will to challenge it. It’s served with what they describe as mashed potato. It resembles teletubby custard. It’s also served with a fried rice that smells and tastes of nothing but oil and wok.

Don’t get me wrong – Maido is nice. The service is warm, if inattentive. But the best restaurant in the world? As Gordon Ramsay once said – you’re pulling my plonker now aren’t you?