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    How To Not Be A “Harmless Asian Guy”



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    39 Comments

    3. Tommy Turtle on

      loving the analysis here!

      this chat reminds me of some discussions highlighting the importance of maintaining a dominant social frame (as opposed to our deferential immigrant parents), developing a mad dog respected on the streets, and identifying and neutralizing racial sexual pestering in everyday social situations

      I'm thinking these 'social zen' nuggets inspired by our stories can be compiled and developed into a framework. Not unlike the 5C's framework developed by Hollaback! (now Right To Be) webinars for bystanders witnessing anti Asian hate crimes

      I already have a flowchart for escalation during a physical altercation that Hollaback! probably can't put out there for legal reasons..

    5. Tim Tam on

      Body mass and outer appearance do not equal who has the control in relationships. Anyone has control who, they wanted to go out with. Either this guy made up a post or he doesn't understand what he wants.

    6. Cheng Liu on

      One major issue imo is that American society allows certain groups to be more violent than others. I feel like black, Hispanic and eastern European men tend to be allowed more latitude for violence compared to Asian and Western European men. For example, I used to live with a Romanian guy who was the kind who would talk shit all the time (which we all did) but you couldn't talk shit about him unless you were ready to use your fists. My other friends would rationalize that by saying that it was just part of his culture or some shit like that. Even when he was obviously abusing his girlfriend my friends would say that bullshit.

    8. iankobe on

      The fact that this guy already labeled himself as a “harmless” guy already tells you he has the wrong mindset. On top of that, what is “high quality” women? Everyone has their own definition to that question and you’ll get a lot of mixed answers depending on who you’re asking

    12. koban4max on

      Why does an Asian guy have to try to be a masculine? How about this? Get in shape and build muscle. Dress good, start talking finding something you enjoy as a hobby and meet someone with similar goals

    14. melchisedec on

      Not only men. As an Asian woman, I constantly strive to be more loud and demonstrative than I naturally am to avoid perpetuating the "shy, quiet Asian" stereotype. It's exhausting putting in all this effort just so I can be taken as seriously/equitably as my counterparts of other races.

    15. Bryan Mon on

      Nice way to disagree, “Yea, I am not sure if I can agree with that because that’s my task (fill in your reason).” Or I want to agree with that but blah blah 🤷‍♂️.

    17. C&M Punk on

      Probably why so many Asian guys get tattoos now. Back when your mom would be like “oh no don’t get tattoos, only criminals get tattoos” yeah that’s why I’m getting one lmao gotta break the “harmless” Asian guy look cursed upon me

    19. XYZ on

      If u are into western women, just be a bad/fuck boy, cuz thats the only thing they reward, dont ever listen to wt a woman says, cuz even they dont know wt they actually like. Just start watching redpill contents on youtube and that will enough, no need to follow each and everything from there but atleast get an idea how western women really behave.

    20. Michelle SP on

      I think some East & Southeast Asian American men are not considered as masculine as white men – in terms of athleticism, assertiveness, leadership. There are incredibly strong female figures in East & Southeast Asian families that overshadow men

    25. Razear on

      Outward appearance is one thing, but you can be self-confident without necessarily being the biggest guy with a super muscular frame. Sure people are going to judge you for the way that you look, but being outspoken and having a vibrant personality can go a long way. If you are more introverted and meek by temperament, I don't think a viable solution would be to craft a persona of being macho or alpha because that would come across as disingenuous. Have the courage to step up for yourself if the moment requires it, but don't ink yourself to resemble a Yakuza member if you are a Silicon Valley software engineer. External opinions are uncontrollable, it is up to you to not allow the negativity to fuel your insecurities.

    28. Richard Kim on

      I always had strong personality so I had no problems here. I’ll tell the fella to learn to disagree, especially with women. It’s a mental muscle just like any other muscle. Learn to state your opinions. Practice by disagreeing with women – anything, Israel & Palestine or what to eat for lunch – even if you actually agree with her. Judge her a little. She’ll push back. Learn to take the heat. Ultimately, learn to walk away if she can’t meet you in the middle. All this physical shit – building muscles, getting a tattoo – ain’t gonna do shit. There’s a line between being a total douchebag and being someone who’s disagreeable. Learn where that line is. But, in the beginning, you have to cross that line to know where that line is.

    29. Justin-Time Raps, aka Justin Chan on

      I think the first thing I would address with this topic is that the author of this piece should stop thinking of women in terms of them being of a certain quality or grade. Don't chase a woman based on their looks alone. Look for a woman that has similar interests as yourself, then you won't have to acquiesce to doing the things your partner wants to do, and instead you will both be doing the things that the BOTH of you want to do.

      But to address the issue of not being perceived as the "harmless asian guy," I think if he worked out and maybe take a martial art, it'll make him feel more confident in himself and that will lead to him being more aggressive or at least not backing down in social situations. And also surround yourself with other people that won't back down. For example, if you are in a situation in which someone tries to bully you, and you are out with your friends…if all of you, collectively, won't take that shit, then you'll see the bully run away with his tail between his legs really fast.

    30. tiger2eye on

      High is he who knows not deception and destruction. Higher is he who understands deception and destruction but chooses not to practice them. There is a difference of being perceived as harmless because you are weak or incompetent and being harmless because you have integrity and moral rectitude. When I interact with others, particularly someone I find attractive, I strive to impress her with my integrity and moral character. If that person does not respond positively, then he or she does not hold similar values, and I should not interact deeply with said person.

    31. Pepper cane on

      It's not worth it. Due to my physical attributes, people are less likely to approach me in social settings, and the police are more hostile with me.

      Idk about you, but it's disheartening when people are visibly scared of your presence, but to each their own I suppose.

      Tldr: there's nothing wrong with being a goofball. Everyone needs a goofball in this wretch of a world.

    33. winter frost on

      To be more masculine, you have to know who you are and who you're not. That gets rid of most insecurities. I think American culture is not 100% good fit for most Asians. Our true personalities may become suppressed over time. It is important to resist that and remember that we have our own culture as well. If you want concrete examples, I think Korean movies does a good job of showing masculine men

    36. Elif on

      Hey fung bros. Ive been subscribed to this channel for a while now and recently your videos are even showing up in my notifications anymore and I'm subscribed and have notifications on. Seems like someone with influence and authority doesn't like you guys discussing certain issues esp regarding the struggles of a certain demographic group in America.

    39. Michael Law on

      This is why I joined the military, got tattoos, spend 3 hours a day in the gym and do other things outside of my comfort zone. I use to be a docile anti social otaku until I realized how much I was missing out on in life with a passive pacifist approach to life.

      It's people like Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li and Donnie Yen who motivate me to break the harmless Asian stereotype even though I'm not even 1% of what these legends are during their peak.

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