What Berlin Winter is really Like

What Berlin Winter is really Like

Decision paralysis task paralysis mental Crush oh my God I can actually cry I feel so happy I don’t know why I am feeling very hopeful about this year but first I want to take you guys back a bit and share what I’ve been up to since I’ve seen you Last December was busy I spent a lot of time with a lot of good people I worked on some projects and got to do some fun things for my University then I prepared to visit my hometown in the United States which literally turned me into an anxious mess

I have been home for 2 hours and I have to pack decision paralysis task paralysis mental paralysis all of it has gotten so much worse I’m so unwell my time ended up being quite nice actually I spent lots of time just sitting in the sun and drawing hanging

Out with my grandparents dog and practicing my guitar skills but I like the course like then I went back to Berlin to have my first ever New Year celebration in Europe Wa wow during the first days of 2024 I just settled back into my life here I set intentions for the new year picked up furniture and reconnected to my routines which brings us here it Snowed it is indeed snowing do you see that why is it always snowing when I Vlog this happened the last time I vlogged and it hasn’t happened since that was like a month and a half ago so my friend Sally is coming today from the Netherlands and I haven’t din her since

August literally August it’s January that’s so many months so I’m very excited and we’re going to go pick her up from the train station right now let’s Go we’re getting ready because we’re going out we’re going out The Sledge Okay I like It Yes let Shower Mal V Mal is like my favorite thing to eat after drinking the night before staying true to my Bavarian Roots like listen it’s warm it’s easy to make and it nourishes everywhere it it like gets into all those little crevices that other Foods miss the next

Morning so I’m going to eat my M and then I have a work day today see that’s balance you go out one night and the next day you just force yourself to work I feel so happy I don’t know why I hope this doesn’t mean I’m going to crash

Later maybe I’m just so delusional because we’ve gone out for like the last like five minutes maybe I’ve just fried all of my like emotion receptors and now I I’ve just broken into this like Bliss but I’m just happy look at my my cute candles so cute we met some really sweet people

Last night and I ran into someone that I know and they came back to my apartment and I was just like oh my God Berlin’s my home and I live here and I’m happy that I live here which are some things I’m not used to feeling the more I like plant my roots

In the city and just like making plans and seeing friends and getting texts from people and just like feeling very connected and very content and happy and excited about my life here and I’m so happy to be here I’m so happy to be here look at these candles

It’s giving like gay British history Professor Elon definitely feel like I’m forgetting something I’m running late how do you say I’m running late in German whatever we got to go Oh we’re filming already I didn’t real Know we’re Here oh you’re so Exed ice hello birdies I hope you’re warm it is 1° today look they’re just like look at that neck you can’t see it stay warm I always like should I open the window should I just let them do you think that they’ll get it you think that they’ll like respectfully leave um after

Staying in here to warm up no cuz they [ __ ] words we’re going to the flea market oh we’re going to the flea market and then after the flea market I have a kind of like exciting Little T in um basically there was this guy that commented on the last video I uploaded

And for some reason I like clicked on the channel which I never do and he had a few videos uploaded and he looked really cool and I really I watched one the videos and really liked it and so then I had a little like friend crush

Like I wanted to be friends with this person but I checked the description of the YouTube video and couldn’t find his Instagram so I was like damn okay guess that will never happen and then weeks later he liked one of my Instagram posts and for some reason out of all the

People that liked my Instagram post I saw his account and so I followed him and he lives in California but he’s visiting Berlin right now what this has to be some sort of weird energy thing I think like so many random things happened to aign so I’m going to meet

Him and his partner for coffee um and then we’re going to keep doing some fun stuff so let’s go this what is this the we were all sming you can get free things on the street in Berlin sometimes we wanton a lamp and we got it

But the price you pay is carrying it across the entire city yay we got it but also so do you make them by hand I do yeah I Know look it’s a little hand there are just some spots in this city that like I have memories of being up before I moved and was thinking about it and this is one just remember walking past this park and just like admiring how beautiful the city was and I just kind of remember

Like it was around time where I was like I think Berlin’s the city for me and now I live here and I was right I love it here that’s so Much whatever High I’ve been on for the past 7 days I’m crashing from I feel so happy I hope this doesn’t mean I’m going to crash later I’m crashing really hard I don’t know why I get like this something I have been thinking about is

Like to what extent do the words that I say and the things I tell myself like manifest into reality I came moment I felt sad and I just started to beat myself up about it and I think made it so much worse I really just want to be

Able to let emotions flow through me you know enter and leave I feel like as as little kids we don’t hold on to these emotions it’s something that I I feel myself constantly getting worse and worse at is just allowing myself to feel something for however long it actually

Makes sense to feel that thing it’s just really difficult to try and reconnect to things that used to come naturally to you because you don’t have the toolkit you never developed the toolkit to do that as a kid I didn’t consciously make an effort to let go of my emotions it’s

Just how I operated and so I have to learn for the first time ever how to do that even though I I used to do it cuz I cuz I learned how not to but then I find myself beating myself up right now and it’s like great what is that going to do

Make me feel better so it’s 9:30 I think I’m just going to go to bed it is ups and downs this winter time it is ups and downs and I’m pretty sure I’m going to watch this back in like 4 months and be like oh no you you were fine it was just

That it was like getting dark at 3:30 and it made you go [ __ ] insane it’s probably what it is oh my God oh my God oh my God I could actually cry it’s like so blue oh my God I Never honestly you just sometimes have to do things I was stressed about the dirty dishes took me 1 minute 1 minute and I kind of like It you may be able to hear my roommate’s music in the shower doesn’t really fit with what I want to talk about also I have to say usually when I’m filming something it’s kind of like at the expense of my comfort like the camera setup is quite

Uncomfortable but right now I am cozy as [ __ ] so this time last year was like one of the toughest times mentally of my entire life I don’t think I’ve ever felt as ill as I did I’m pretty should today went anytime like I can kind of distract

Myself it feels a lot better I wish I was at home I am so tired and so burnt out that I was so depressed and hopeless that I didn’t set any goals for 2023 and yeah 2023 was a tough year I’m not saying that’s why but I’m saying that like that was kind

Of my mindset through the year but we made goals for 2024 [ __ ] I know that by the time this video goes out it will probably be at least a month or two into 2024 but I still think that just mindfulness being intentional about your life and just like setting goals for

Yourself can be just like a really good thing to do for yourself I also think it’s a good form of like self-love being like I care enough about myself to set intentions and habits in place to ensure that I’m just like doing okay I’m doing

Good and I just want to share with you guys kind of my process I started with reflecting on 2023 and I wanted to give myself credit for a lot of big things I did this year and then as for the goals I was looking at my 2022 goals and they

Were more like respond to all comments and DMS hit this many subscribers have healthy relationships work hard at my new school they were all things that like they were more outcome driven and less Journey driven and 2024 is going to be a journey driven Year I’m doing things for the plot cuz that’s what it’s about it’s about the plot not the outcome so yeah I just just to share a few I want to go camping watch the sunrise make music spend time offline find and recognize routines that feel good and natural for you for me

Look for things to love and people that you meet instead of the opposite I think that that’s a big one like I didn’t love a lot of the people in the last chapter of my life and I think it just kind of Tainted the way that I approach meeting

New people and I really just want to be someone who just sees the good people I don’t think that that’s a naive thing I don’t want to be blinded by it like I want I can recognize other stuff but I think it’s just doing yourself a favor

To do that there’s a lot about just like expressing myself being authentic having my own experiences deepening my knowledge on things opening myself up to different types of like intimacy and relationships deepening my self-respect and my attitude towards different like aspects of of who I am I want to learn

About queer history I want to go on adventures there’s just so much this year one quote is I’m done crafting my identity in harmony with the expectations of others I have a problem with this I change myself I feel like sometimes to fit how I feel like other

People would like me most does that make sense I it’s still me it’s still my words my thoughts my feelings usually but the way I express myself is like catered to a person or group of people that I’m with and I’m done with that I am done with that

No more tell me all this a year ago and I would have been like cringe cringe alert but you know what if this is cringe then I’m not mad about being cringe I am feeling very hopeful about this year and I love the people that I’m

Going into this year with and I feel very grateful to say that because this was not the case this was not the case a year ago at all at all I do think that setting intentions for yourself is a great thing learning to enjoy being with yourself feel comfortable being with

Yourself is great because guess what you always are you always are I can’t take a break from me it really is crazy I’m just always me that’s so funny I wish I could be like Adele for like one day like would that be fun I wonder what a

Dos up too well let’s go appreciate the sun even more look at this look at the sun happy January in Berlin going through the motions I’m dreaming of the ocean as I swim AB a river I don’t know why I just feel very connected to these pigeons it’s like they’re watching over

Me who are you let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go let go let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go I don’t know how to put this one ready it’s probably so much I bought this scent with a guy who ended up being like super creepy and gross and weird

And made me so uncomfy I now it sucks because every time that I wear I think of him and I’m like I’m like that’s how I feel but it’s okay because wow I should take more Photos also do not be fooled by the sunlight or these blue skies it is freezing it is like 5° today don’t know what that is in Fahrenheit you know what I’ve realized is like I’m coming up on 5 Years of Living in Europe and like i’ I

No longer know Fahrenheit cuz I don’t operate in Fahrenheit but I like don’t know Celsius either cuz I’m still learning it and I like am forgetting so much English but also like not learning German fast enough to speak German so like I’m not even [ __ ] lingual [ __ ] out here be speaking five

Languages I speak like 70% of one that’s okay we’re try oh Nice uhh Hello everyone welcome to this FL we got a beautiful orange dinner menu today o orange sweet potato and carrot cooked by us to Master Chefs I’m saying this for future worlds remember I think I want to get an Apple Spritz tattoo right here right here let me know your thoughts future me I give it to the and lose it I am no [Applause] Way I like don’t remember being here but we’re here so yeah I had a chill morning at Na’s place I spent some time thinking about the last few days reflecting on how many beautiful experiences I had and people that I saw in the short time frame when I first came to Berlin

Everyone always told me to prepare for how rough Berlin winter will be and though at times I can definitely see what they mean and by times I mean 3:30 p.m. when the sun has already set I think I’ve learned that with the right people Berlin winter isn’t so

Bad I’m here with my my friend Stella look at how stylish their shirt Is hey hey hey hey Look Should

thank you to all of the lovely people in this video. and to the pigeons outside my bedroom window.

reach out! willscamerainbox@gmail.com

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0:00 welcome ✨
0:26 let’s recap the last month…
2:13 a snowy morning in berlin & a night out
3:26 recovering & debrief (ft. maultaschen)
5:25 a day out in berlin with @naesworld 🙂
7:03 meet my pigeon friends & some human friends as well
9:55 facing reality & talking about my feelings
11:45 the sun literally* came out tomorrow 🌞
12:55 reflecting on 2023, setting intentions for the new year, & self love.
17:22 going through the motions; a new day
19:00 dinner at nae’s 🍷 & tattoo idea??
19:25 another night out! (thank you to the youtube gods for not copyrighting me)
19:45 a chill, reflective morning
20:35 i love my life here.

music from epidemic sound (60 day free trial link: https://share.epidemicsound.com/55yj73)