Single and Free: Living Without Commitments in the Philippines – Thailand – Vietnam

Single and Free: Living Without Commitments in the Philippines – Thailand – Vietnam

now you might decide for yourself that you want to stay single maybe your first one or two years in the Philippines or Asia wherever you happen to be traveling to you may decide well I’m just going to take one or two years get a feel for the place and then and and make no commitments which by the way I highly recommend as I’ve said so many so many so many times when you move into a foreign country make no commitments the first year not financially don’t buy a business don’t make any babies don’t get married just take a year to get acclimated to the way things work because the way things work in Thailand or Vietnam or Philippines or wherever you’re living at so you may be a guy who says to yourself well I’m going to I’m going to stay single and just kind of see what comes up you know and then at some point maybe get married later you might be another kind of single guy which is more what I call the committed Bachelor and maybe you have decided for whatever reasons marriage is never going to be on the table you’re just never going to get married you don’t want to get married when you’re a single guy you are pretty much free to do whatever you want whenever you want with whoever you want I can’t emphasize enough this is probably the chief biggest benefit to remaining a single guy you’re literally free to do whatever you want the money that you earn you can spend it on just yourself unless un you have you know pre-existing child support or alimony or something like that other than that if you have no girlfriend okay and we’re talking about completely free agent when when I there’s two two different types of single there’s what I call free agent which is where you’re single and you’re not attached to anybody no woman can say that she’s your girlfriend so that’s completely free agent single and you’re you’re just free to date whoever you want and you’re not going to tick off anybody because you’re not in a relationship with anybody the other type of single is you’re single because you’re not married but you’re in a relationship you’re still single but you don’t have the freedom to just date whoever you want I mean you could do it but there’s a whole lot of drama that comes when you try to juggle two or three women at the same time in a relationship so the biggest benefit that I can I can present first is your freedom I can just think to myself well where do I want to go what do I feel like doing you know if I feel like getting out of town I can literally just get on the internet I can look at the bus schedules the ferry schedules the plane schedules and I could just tell myself well you know I think I’ll I think I’ll take two weeks and go to Thailand I think I’ll take two weeks and just go to Lanka or you know I could pick a place literally any place I got the money for I can just decide I want to go and then I’ll spend maybe 15 minutes 20 minutes max packing some stuff into a bag get down to the airport the ferry whatever and I’m on my way when you’re in a relationship now you got to clear it with whoever you’re in the relationship hey let’s go to wherever and they’re like well I can’t get away from work or I don’t really feel like going right now I feel sick or I don’t like that place let’s go to this other place you’ve got this other person in your life that whether it’s a wife or a girlfriend now you have to clear all your plans through them I mean that’s the considerate thing to do and it’s a smart thing to do because you don’t want to just tell them hey pack your stuff here we go and then they they make your trip miserable the whole whole time through so when you’re completely single when you’re just free agent single you can just pick up and go like I said anywhere you want and if you want to stay home for 2 weeks and binge watch something on Netflix and Order take in food and whatever I mean you don’t have to entertain anybody just yourself just you know do whatever you want you want to start going to a gym well you start going to a gym you don’t have to again consult anybody with it you just do it you just do what you want so I would say that freedom is probably the first biggest thing you can literally just decide I don’t want this apartment anymore I found this other apartment over in Dang or in Panglao or daa or Manila or Sabu whatever and you can just hop on over just pack your stuff and go number two is a kind of a direct result of number one which is when you’re single when you’re not in a relationship it’s less expensive it’s just simp simply less expensive a lot of guys kind of fall into this thinking and they especially in the Philippines and they’ll start dating a Filipina and they’re seeing her three four five times a week anyway and many of the nights she’s staying the night and then they just think to themselves oh you know she’s here most of the time anyway I’ll just have her move in well there’s a couple of things that happen the second you make that decision number one it’s not going to really impact certain expenses at all really uh for instance your not going to go up uh just because she moves in your electricity is really not going to go up that much even your grocery bill is not going to go up that much you’ll just probably spend more on rice and fish and so it seems like a good idea oh I’ll just move her in well here’s the thing now that she’s living with you two things happened one your freedom just got cut off the freedom I just talked about you are not going to be dating other girls when you’ve got a live-in girlfriend it’s just not going to happen you know unless she’s into open relationships and most women voluntarily really are not they might do it because it makes their man happy and they really want to hang on to him but other than that she doesn’t want to share you with some other woman so the idea that that you you’re going to make your life easier or better by moving her in you better really be thinking about a long-term relationship because once she moves in that’s the easy part getting her to move out and live on her own that’s going to cost you some money because now that she’s living with with you she’s dependent on you if things don’t work out you don’t really know somebody till you live with them in my entire let’s see well my entire life I’ve only lived with two women believe it or not in my entire life United States southeast Asia Philippines Vietnam I’ve only lived with two women that I wasn’t married to and it was only because I was considering marrying them so that’s the other thing you have to take into consideration is that moving a woman into your place you may think of it as a convenience they’re thinking of it as wow I just not only jump to the front of the line he’s really serious he wants me to practically be his wife in a couple years so when it comes time that it just doesn’t work out or whatever unless you marry her you know now you have to get her back on her feet I mean if you want to be a decent you normal human being unless you’re the kind of person that that just is going to toss her out and this has happened guys have tossed out the woman literally just out on the street with their things with 500 pesos $10 and just told them you know take a bus go and and unless you’re that kind of a you know jackass now that she’s been dependent on you for 6 months or a year you owe it to her really to help her not just move out but get settled to where she can be on her feet now many times they can move back in with their parents or whatever but you may have to help her get a boarding house and and pay for I mean again if you want to do the decent right thing to avoid that the loss of your freedom and all that avoid having her move in when you’re single and you’re just sort of dating around it’s like well maybe you see this one once or twice a week and that one once or twice a week and and in the month you’re maybe kind of rotating and you see three or four girls and again none of them are your girlfriend they’re just women that you hang out with and you have a good time with and maybe they spend the night once in a while but none of them is going to say oh yeah that’s my boyfriend you know you’re you’re just kind of on a on a very casual but good relationship with these women and who knows maybe you’ll gravitate to one and get more serious with her but being single and not being attached you know as as a boyfriend to some woman is cheaper it’s just less expensive again the money that you earn and the money that you spend is completely under your control and and it always is really but again when you’ve got a woman that that wants to be entertained uh you’re going to end up spending some money so that’s another consideration to keep in mind a benefit of just remaining single without a girlfriend without commitments is that it is less expensive the third benefit to being single uh and again just fully single you don’t have a committed girlfriend no committed relationship most men want to kind of shop around they want to they want some variety in their life before they finally say okay I’ve I’ve kind of surveyed the area dated a couple girls I dated younger ones older ones you know Quiet Ones loud ones Good Girls Bad Girls and now this is the girl that I want this is the girl that I want to marry and commit my life to that seems to generally be the approach most guys take now guys who have already kind of been through a lot of Hassle and drama in their life tend to go the other way they’re like you know I don’t want a whole lot of variety I just want to find one good woman and settle down just kind of get it over with and either one is fine again it’s just a matter of what you’ve been through in life you know maybe maybe you had kind of a sheltered life and never really got out there and now that you can have some variety that’s a benefit of being single if you’re going to have variety do not have a girlfriend or a wife you know you can have variety as a single guy you can date as many women as you have time to fit into the month you know whether it’s 3 4 10 12 15 whatever you can date a bunch of women in the month you know as long as not one of them is your real girlfriend if they’re just women you’re dating uh just for the fun of it and they’re okay with it and and again she might be one of the that you’re dating in the month but you understand you’re one of the guys that she’s dating throughout the month she’s dating probably other guys so variety is one of the one of the benefits to just staying single again not in a relationship you’re just fullon free agent single you can date who you want when you want you don’t have to come up with creative stories and lie to anybody it’s understood it’s like okay I’m not your boyfriend you’re not my girlfriend uh we’re just kind of hanging out having a great time and if I want to get any more serious than that I’ll let you know and so variety would be the third uh benefit of being a completely single guy so now let’s look at the not so great side of being a single guy a single guy with no girlfriend no commitments no relationship you’re just a single guy I’ve actually had conversations where I’m chatting with a Filipina and this is when I was in the Philippines and and I haven’t met her yet and and like literally within the first 5 minutes they’re like well are you married I’m like no I’m not married do you have a girlfriend I’m like no no girlfriend right now and they’re like oh my gosh you know what are you going to do when you get sick that’s like like it comes up a lot and Filipinas just seem to like grasp that really quickly you know they want to be the woman that’s there to take care of you when you’re sick and they have a good point really now in the grand scheme of things the committed Bachelor guys that I’ve talked to and I’ve asked them the question oh okay so you’re going to you’ve decided to be a committed Bachelor for life you’re going to get old eventually you get older you get tired maybe you’re not even as mobile maybe you’re not as alert and you need help getting medications or whatever uh and I asked them uh what’s your plan and the ones that I talked to all had the same answer they said oh I’ll hire somebody you know and it really is kind of that simple is you you just hire I mean just in Philippines alone there’s nursing colleges all over the place you could put out an ad or on Facebook or whatever you could you could find pretty quickly a nursing student uh either pre- or postgrad who wants to earn some money as a live-in caretaker finding a caretaker in the Philippines is like easier than finding Filipino food but getting back to being just single you’re a younger guy you’re in pretty good health whatever and and you don’t want right now a committed relationship I will say that one of the downsides uh to being a single guy is let’s say you just get the flu okay and you’re feeling really horrible it really does help when you’re in a relationship and you’re feeling you wake up and your head is just pounding your sinuses are all messed up in your throat and you just want to sleep and lay in bed for 12 hours a day it is such a huge help when you have a girlfriend who says okay you know just go ahead lay down get some sleep I’m going to go down to the pharmacy I’ll pick up you know some cold medicine whatever it is you need to make you comfortable until you’re feeling better you got a Filipina there who is going to take care of you now if you’re single and you just kind of date women here and there you’re not really a priority in their life and they’re not honestly a priority in your life you’re just seeing them conveniently when you’re laying there sick and everything yeah you can kind of count your call your buddies you know if they live nearby and and yeah you know I’ve had this happen you know a buddy would go run and get me some some uh medicine you know cold head medicine whatever from the store but they’re not going to hang around and like tuck you in and make you soup and whatever whereas a a girlfriend she’ll do that she will she will just stay a couple nights and and just again make you some soup and make sure you’re comfortable and bring you water and and put the TV on and you know just all those things of so one downside to being a single guy without a relationship is that when you do get sick and again same thing you know if you end up with a broken arm and you’re in the hospital whatever you should really have a good network of buddies that can kind of you can call on them and count on them uh that are living nearby it doesn’t do any good if they’re like four Islands away or you know 4 hours away the second downside that you’re going to run into as a single guy uh again not committed in a relationship is the whole feast and famine issue it’s just part of being a single guy you know you’re putting out feelers and and however way you want you might be chatting up girls at the mall you might be uh introducing yourself to women online uh you know me you’re just doing whatever you’re doing to to bring in some girls that you want to you want to get involved with and then one of two things happens and usually it’s it’s predicated by the famine part there’ll be a period and it may only be 2 days it may be 2 weeks and it’s like nothing’s happening nobody’s biting you know the girl that you met at the mall you get your Facebook and you chat a few times and a week and a half goes by and all of a sudden you’re just not hearing from her you’re not hearing from any of these girls and you’re just kind of going through this fan just just a dry spell nothing’s going on and then finally one will respond and it’s like wow you hit it off and it’s great and you’re starting you got nothing else going on so you’re just kind of seeing her more and more like you know almost every other day of the week and then they start rolling in it’s like a delayed effect now all these you know 10 12 20 women that you contact they all for some reason decide to all respond at the same time and now you’ve got like eight nine women that are all saying hey can we meet for dinner can can I meet you for lunch can I go to your place can I cook at your place can we go to a movie I mean you’ve just got more dates than you can handle and I know what you’re thinking you’re thinking oh that sounds great that sounds awesome all these pretty women want to spend time with you well it’s only great up until the point that it becomes a management issue because it really is a hassle trying to decide okay I’m going to see this one but I’m not going to see this one I’d like to see that one but I don’t have time for her and you’re you’re basically you’re just you’re you’re overloaded you know you’re you’re missing out on some great opportunities to be with women because you got so many women to deal with and that’s one of the things about being a single guy is you will go through feast and famine you’ll have just periods where you’re like gez I can’t give it away on sth Avenue you know it’s just but then all of a sudden bam it just all floods in and now you’ve got to manage and process and and you know this this whole juggling act to deal with them and invariably if there’s too many some of them get tired of waiting or they find out you’re seeing other girls and then they they disappear so the feast or famine thing when you’re and I’ve talked to so many guys and again it’s happened to me and and I’ve talked to guys when they’re in kind of like the dry spell and it kind of just does a mind thing on you it’s kind of like well man you know kind of what what happened here you know it’s like where are the women they’re just not responding and maybe maybe I’m in a dry spell maybe I pass my Peak maybe I’m done maybe I’m over and then it’s like two days later it’s oh my God I can’t like you know I’m I’m getting flooded with with all these girls the final third thing that’s a big negative is the whole fact that if you’re going to be a single guy and you start setting goals for yourself and that’s a good thing you know and you might say well hey you know I’m I’m I’m in a good position I’ve got a lot of time I’ve got plenty of money I’ve got lots of energy I’m going to I’m going to make a a list of my goals and I’m going to work on these goals and and it becomes important to you to reach these goals and it might be travel that’s usually the most common one uh it might be setting up a business you may decide oh I’ve always wanted to set up this or that business online or offline whatever it might be your hobby you know whatever it is you you start finding yourself very committed and productive in in chasing your hobbies and interests and goals well one of the negatives that comes along is that you can become so kind of content with being single and not really feeling the need to make a commitment in fact the idea of making a commitment and losing the benefits of being a single guy well if and you and you go through this thought process and you think to yourself well gee if I get into a committed relationship and that’s looking at long term a woman with a woman who’s a keeper a woman who like you’re just telling yourself oh my God I I’d be an idiot to to give this woman up and when you’re at those Crossroads if you do decide to stay a single guy here is the inevitable downside that you’re going to face and it’s that you’re going to see a lot of really good women good women Keepers women that would have made a great wife you’re going to see those women slip through your fingers and eventually they’re going to they’re going to realize that yeah you’re serious you want to be single you’re not interested in a committed relationship you want to date whoever you want to date but they’re looking for some commitment they’re looking for a real relationship and it’s going to end and they’re going to take their search elsewhere and there’s really nothing you can do but watch them leave and you’ll probably see them eventually meet some other guy he doesn’t have goals to be single the rest of his life he doesn’t want to travel all over the planet what he he’s looking for is he’s looking for marriage he’s looking for a good woman and now he just found her you know after she was with you now now she’s she these two people meet and they’re going to live happily ever after I mean you know in theory whatever but the thing is you’re going to you’re going to watch the women that you somewhat you know just had a period of your life with women that you fall in love with women that you know are good women and you’re going to see them walk out of your life and that’s that’s the cost of staying as a single guy is if you don’t keep the right woman in your life she’s going to move on and then it’s just the natural order of things she wants security she wants a relationship she wants marriage and she’s going to find that and if she can’t find it with you it’s just natural she’s going to find it with someone else now some guys can compartmentalize you know almost in a reptilian cold-hearted sort of way and they can just say to themselves well I I just dated that girl for two years or a year or six months and and she’s gone whatever I don’t even think about it but if you have any kind of reality behind the way that you interact with a woman it is painful at times I’ll tell you it really does suck it’s it’s it’s just you know you you you sometimes look at those women who are now married and have their own life and they’re happy and you can be happy that they’re happy but there’s always going to be that one little part of you that says well God what what if what would my life be if I would have just settled down if I had just given up on my goals and my plans and my ambitions and just settle down into a relationship and stayed with that woman some part of you is always going to wonder that and guess what it never goes away you’re you’re just going to have to live with it you’re just going to have to find way to just go you know okay that’s the way it is just got to accept it and move forward and maybe the next time you do come across a great wonderful woman is when you’re at that crossroads think about those other ones and go okay do I really truly am I done looking am I done looking for the kind of woman that I want to have am I ready to now settle down and not be a single guy anymore am I willing to modify or compromise on my goals and my plans and whatever your travel and everything else in order to keep this woman in order to take on the responsibility of her in the expense of her and all everything else that comes with the the benefits that we talked about previously in being a single guy you have to ask yourself am I willing to say goodbye to the variety and the freedom and all that in order to keep this this other woman and that’s that’s the decision you got to make over and over again the more women you date the more bad ones you’re going to come AC across you you know it’s that’s just kind of collateral damage the more you date you’re going to come across women who especially if they’re dating the same way you are which is uh just kind of here and there and you’re just one of the guys she dates you know throughout the month you’re going to come across a lot of drama and weirdness and and whatever you’re going to have to have to manage all that but you’re also as you date a lot of women you’re going to date some really amazingly good women and you may even be you know there right next to them them saying to yourself wow you know if I had any brains I would just marry this woman but then when it comes time to rubber meets the road maybe you can’t bring yourself to do it maybe you’re not ready yet even still to give up the single life so that is a struggle that is a sort of Life decision that you’re just going to have to wrestle with every time you come across a great woman is the prospect of giving up the single life now it it’s got to be the right woman and and again it’s just a process of finding finding that person so I hope that helps you to kind of look at the positives and the negatives that are very real in being a single guy

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00:00 – 04:45 Introduction to Single Life in Southeast Asia
04:46 – 09:30 Freedom and Flexibility of Being Single
09:31 – 13:15 Financial Benefits of Staying Single
13:16 – 18:05 Downsides of Single Life: Health and Companionship
18:06 – 23:07 Feast or Famine: Dating Dynamics in Southeast Asia

Navigating the single life in Southeast Asia presents unique opportunities and challenges. In this insightful video, we delve into the pros and cons of staying single while living or traveling in this vibrant region. From the unparalleled freedom to the financial benefits, and the eventual longing for companionship, this video covers it all. Whether you’re a committed bachelor or just taking time to understand the local culture, this discussion provides valuable perspectives to help you make informed decisions about your lifestyle. Join us for an engaging exploration of what it truly means to stay single in Southeast Asia.

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